Posted on: 02/08/2025 @ 12:06 PM
One of life’s biggest challenges is that while we always know our own intentions, we can never truly know someone else’s. This gap between what we mean and how others perceive us—or what others mean and how we interpret them—creates endless misunderstandings, conflicts, and second-guessing.
When you act, you know exactly why you're doing it. You understand your reasoning, your emotions, and your motivations, even if they’re complex. You might say something bluntly, but in your mind, you’re just being direct. You might not respond to a message immediately, but it’s not because you don’t care—it’s because you’re busy or overwhelmed.
To you, your actions make sense. There’s always a justification, a logic, a feeling that drives them. But no one else has access to that internal dialogue.
The tricky part is that this certainty doesn’t apply when you’re on the receiving end. When someone else speaks or acts, all you see are their words and behaviors—not the thoughts and emotions behind them. If someone is short with you, are they annoyed? Stressed? Distracted? If they don’t text back, do they not value the conversation? Or are they just caught up in their own world?
This uncertainty can lead to assumptions. And often, we assume the worst—because without knowing someone’s true intentions, our brains fill in the gaps based on our own insecurities, experiences, and fears.
Misreading intentions is one of the biggest sources of conflict in personal and professional relationships. You assume your friend is ignoring you when they’re actually dealing with something personal. You assume your boss is being unfair when they’re actually under pressure from higher-ups. You assume a stranger is rude when they’re actually just lost in thought.
The reality? Most of the time, people aren’t thinking about us as much as we think they are. They’re wrapped up in their own lives, just like we are.
So what can we do?
Communicate Clearly – If you’re misunderstood, don’t assume people will read your mind. Clarify your intent. If you’re the one uncertain, ask questions instead of assuming.
Give People the Benefit of the Doubt – Just like you want others to assume the best of you, extend that same grace to them.
Recognize That Intentions and Impact Aren’t Always Aligned – Even with good intentions, our words and actions can still hurt people. If someone takes something the wrong way, acknowledge their feelings rather than just defending your intent.
Remember That Everyone Has Their Own Internal World – Just as you have a whole inner monologue behind your actions, so does everyone else. You might never fully understand it, but recognizing that it exists can make you more empathetic.
At the end of the day, we will always know ourselves better than we know anyone else. The best we can do is communicate, assume the best, and be open to adjusting our perspective. Because while we can’t control how others perceive us, we can control how we react to that uncertainty.