Grief

This post may not fit into my other posts but it's something that is consuming my life right now. On Friday (08/12/2022), we found out one of our cats, Cosmo, had cancer. The cancer was severe and aggressive. It had started in his mouth and already spread to his throat and was causing him much pain. While it was hard, we made the decision to euthanize Cosmo and spare him the suffering. But my wife and I are left to grieve.

Saying goodbye was beyond hard. Bringing the empty carrier back into the house was crippling. That's where I thought my tears would end. I was wrong. Way wrong. Like most men my age, we were raised to repress emotions and push on. It's just a cat...

That thought crept into my mind on Sunday while I was crying because I didn't see Cosmo laying on the spare bed where he always was. But my feelings are my feelings and are valid. Damn my upbringing. To be in tune with my emotions, I must validate those emotions. Cosmo was a major part of our lives. Now that part is missing. It's only natural to mourn.

While validating my own emotions, I discovered that many people struggle with death of pets. As a society, we are supposed to move on. These "fur babies" are not people. "At least you got the 8 years." "At least..." The minimization and trivialization. This makes people to grieve in solitude and silence. Now that grief snowballs into something else. And that's where my mind is right now. Grief of a pet should be normalized. We bring these animals into our lives and these animals give us unconditional and unquestioned love.

Cosmo was never disappointed in me. Cosmo didn't care I gained weight. Cosmo didn't care if I had a few too many beers. Cosmo cared that I was around and was there to snuggle. 8 1/2 years of that love. And more so since working from home the past few years. Why am I allowed to acknowledge that means a lot but that loss is trivial? I don't agree with that! Yes, life moves on but my memories haven't and my heart is missing a piece.

I'm not afraid to say that I'm still sad. I still miss the little bugger. I miss yelling at him. I miss his snoring. I miss his snuggles. I miss his meows. All of that is OK. Grief is hard but it is valid. Cosmo was not "just a cat." Cosmo was family and we mourn family.